by Pat Antonopoulos
Searching for an answer to this division of perceptions.
Empathy
The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to and vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of another.
The far side of this coin probably results in making excuses for and generally taking behavior outside the realm of personal actions. We have all done it. Blamed the coach, the teacher, even friends for our child's participation in a negative. That side of the coin spins a very long way.
But where is the other side? Lost in the self needs...the I-want...the so called self-actualization process? Have we become so focused on meeting each of our personal goals/needs that we have lost our grip on empathy?
There are times when I believe that we have created a monster of self-esteem, a monster that chews up our gentler interactions with one another. Of course, I am not negating the value of self-worth, the worth that comes for honest successes.
I am negating the cheering section that thunders for every crayon mark, childhood blooper and the nonsense of overdone expensive birthday parties.
Empathy requires a putting aside of self in the interest of 'caring for and feeling with' the needs of others. Empathy once softened the bullying of middle school years and I struggle to find that softening. In fact, I struggle to find empathy in many areas of our society.
Showing posts with label Pat An Observation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pat An Observation. Show all posts
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Midnight Rainbows
by Pat Antonopoulos
Insomnia plagues some of our family members. Bouts of sustained sleeplessness come and go with no discernible pattern. Deeply asleep for the earliest part of the night and then suddenly wide awake with no hope of more restorative hours. Attitude suffers right along with energy levels that drop steadily. How I dreaded the first sign that the cycle was beginning.
One of my sons decided it was because there were periods when we could not switch off our minds. Darting from one thing to another, the mind would not quiet enough to allow sleep. So...I tried boring my mind into giving way. Not exactly counting sheep, but all sort of convoluted math activities designed to force sleep out of frustration. End result was I did get faster at subtracting multiple numbers from 999---over and over and over. Tiny benefit for prolonged effort.
A simple solution might have been and OTC sleep aid, but I tend to research every thing I swallow and usually decide that the side effects sound worse than the current problem.
My new plan is discovering midnight rainbows.
My life is blessed with amazing people and the memories surrounding each of them.
When insomnia gives me extra hours, those hours become a concentrated effort to focus on important moments of our lives.
Maybe the key words are 'concentrated effort', because it certainly isn't an activity to turn off the mind. Frustration begs for sleep.
Morning grogginess continues to need extra caffeine. Being alone for a long morning walk takes the grouchiness out the door and away from affecting others.
Those midnight rainbows absolutely do not sparkle, but they are adding some comforting memories to those sustained sleepless hours. And the recall is forcing me to focus on the amazing people in my life, children, grandchildren, siblings, friends,former students and their families.
My grandmother had a saying cobbled and convoluted from her sense of life: "Don't waste your time trying to make a silk purse from that sow's ear." Always makes me smile...and I sometimes do wonder if Grandma had it right.
In the meantime, insomnia has an adversary, midnight rainbows, and rainbows always elicit a sigh of appreciation.
Insomnia plagues some of our family members. Bouts of sustained sleeplessness come and go with no discernible pattern. Deeply asleep for the earliest part of the night and then suddenly wide awake with no hope of more restorative hours. Attitude suffers right along with energy levels that drop steadily. How I dreaded the first sign that the cycle was beginning.
One of my sons decided it was because there were periods when we could not switch off our minds. Darting from one thing to another, the mind would not quiet enough to allow sleep. So...I tried boring my mind into giving way. Not exactly counting sheep, but all sort of convoluted math activities designed to force sleep out of frustration. End result was I did get faster at subtracting multiple numbers from 999---over and over and over. Tiny benefit for prolonged effort.
A simple solution might have been and OTC sleep aid, but I tend to research every thing I swallow and usually decide that the side effects sound worse than the current problem.
My new plan is discovering midnight rainbows.
My life is blessed with amazing people and the memories surrounding each of them.
When insomnia gives me extra hours, those hours become a concentrated effort to focus on important moments of our lives.
Maybe the key words are 'concentrated effort', because it certainly isn't an activity to turn off the mind. Frustration begs for sleep.
Morning grogginess continues to need extra caffeine. Being alone for a long morning walk takes the grouchiness out the door and away from affecting others.
Those midnight rainbows absolutely do not sparkle, but they are adding some comforting memories to those sustained sleepless hours. And the recall is forcing me to focus on the amazing people in my life, children, grandchildren, siblings, friends,former students and their families.
My grandmother had a saying cobbled and convoluted from her sense of life: "Don't waste your time trying to make a silk purse from that sow's ear." Always makes me smile...and I sometimes do wonder if Grandma had it right.
In the meantime, insomnia has an adversary, midnight rainbows, and rainbows always elicit a sigh of appreciation.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Seven Steps
by Pat Antonopoulos
After years of gathering, supporting, building relationships and writing, we scuffed in a circle not knowing how to proceed. Publish? Not Publish? All of us? Some of us? A friend who knew the intricacies of publishing suggested that 'getting published' might not be the most difficult challenge. His perspective suggested that maintaining the relationships was an even greater obstacle. Competition, ego, assigning blame--all human tendencies, would ooze into the process.
In our euphoria, we discounted his experience, vowing that we had the character and courage to continue in friendship and determination. However, balancing the wishes of everyone could not happen. When the goal of being published became firm, our group grew smaller. From the original ten women, various kinds of attrition brought us to four --- Four Ordinary Women.
We began the work of finding a publisher, making that goal the measure of our success. Hours and efforts melted into the joy of knowing our book was in process. A publisher sent a contract.
A new yardstick, a new goal, new hours and efforts took renewed commitments of time and energy. With a beautiful book in hand, we realized that the launch was not the success. Launch was a step, but not a time for laurels.
Our first signing event at Keeler Womens Center was amazing, a subject of previous blogs. This will always carry the imprint of our first public success. In truth, it was a gentle and supportive baby step. Much more was to come.
As we reviewed our new and daunting goals, someone suggested the trite game of Seven Steps to Kevin Bacon, a method of connecting any human on the planet to any other human by seven steps of increased contact. If the game works, any of us could be introduced to Joyce Carol Oats, Bill Gates, Colin Powell, Pope Benedict, Oprah, Ellen, Coretta Scott King, or a woman selling jewelry in a remote village somewhere on this earth---all through seven handshakes along the process. These seven steps might connect Four Ordinary Women to that public figure who could help us with impressive sales.
Together, we have smiled at this suggestion as we continue our work of making contacts, pursuing author events,gulped and shallow breathing when overwhelmed, middle of the night prayers, day light doubts constantly squelched by an intense belief in our book and in one another.
But...just in case you, dear reader, happen to be one of our seven steps to success, we invite you to visit us (gold embossed heavy duty invitation) through our website www.fourordinarywomen.com
After years of gathering, supporting, building relationships and writing, we scuffed in a circle not knowing how to proceed. Publish? Not Publish? All of us? Some of us? A friend who knew the intricacies of publishing suggested that 'getting published' might not be the most difficult challenge. His perspective suggested that maintaining the relationships was an even greater obstacle. Competition, ego, assigning blame--all human tendencies, would ooze into the process.
In our euphoria, we discounted his experience, vowing that we had the character and courage to continue in friendship and determination. However, balancing the wishes of everyone could not happen. When the goal of being published became firm, our group grew smaller. From the original ten women, various kinds of attrition brought us to four --- Four Ordinary Women.
We began the work of finding a publisher, making that goal the measure of our success. Hours and efforts melted into the joy of knowing our book was in process. A publisher sent a contract.
A new yardstick, a new goal, new hours and efforts took renewed commitments of time and energy. With a beautiful book in hand, we realized that the launch was not the success. Launch was a step, but not a time for laurels.
Our first signing event at Keeler Womens Center was amazing, a subject of previous blogs. This will always carry the imprint of our first public success. In truth, it was a gentle and supportive baby step. Much more was to come.
As we reviewed our new and daunting goals, someone suggested the trite game of Seven Steps to Kevin Bacon, a method of connecting any human on the planet to any other human by seven steps of increased contact. If the game works, any of us could be introduced to Joyce Carol Oats, Bill Gates, Colin Powell, Pope Benedict, Oprah, Ellen, Coretta Scott King, or a woman selling jewelry in a remote village somewhere on this earth---all through seven handshakes along the process. These seven steps might connect Four Ordinary Women to that public figure who could help us with impressive sales.
Together, we have smiled at this suggestion as we continue our work of making contacts, pursuing author events,gulped and shallow breathing when overwhelmed, middle of the night prayers, day light doubts constantly squelched by an intense belief in our book and in one another.
But...just in case you, dear reader, happen to be one of our seven steps to success, we invite you to visit us (gold embossed heavy duty invitation) through our website www.fourordinarywomen.com
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