College bound

by

Patti Dickinson

Andrew, kid #6, is about to go off to college. Launching a kid is never easy. Soon, when I wind down the day, taking that last barefooted walk through the house to make sure it's all locked up, Andrew won't be upstairs sleeping. He will be sleeping in his dorm room, hundreds of miles away. He won't be here for me to ruffle his hair, remind him to take the trash to the end of the driveway on Sunday nights. No one to harass about putting his laundry away (he uses my laundry room as his first floor dresser).

He won't be.......here.

Boys are different from girls in this process. For girls, it is all about decorating the dorm room. equipping the dorm room. All summer long. Matching comforter and sheets. And the buckets/baskets for storing things have to figure into that decorating scheme. Checking with the roommate about who's bringing a television and who's bringing the microwave. Exchanging emails with the potential roommate. Sort of doing a cyberspace dance to find out what this other person is like who will be spending lots of shared time with you.

Boys? Andrew ordered a comforter, etc. from some company that sends out millions of catalogs to college-bound kids. Andrew picked out his comforter/sheets/towels in under five minutes. Black/grey reversible comforter and black sheets and towels. I am not kidding. Black. He wanted color-coordinated nothing.

I am caught unawares at odd moments. Unexpected tears out of nowhere. Watching him give Meghan a hard time.....and Meghan calling him "Andy", a name he doesn't like, in retaliation. Theirs is a closer relationship than either one of them acknowledge. I will miss Andrew laying on the couch in the playroom, with his laptop on his stomach, feet propped on the armrest, to accommodate his too-tall frame, receiving internet news and watching television news simultaneously. A news junkie, he. He is going for a double major -- journalism and political science. He's the most well-informed kid I know. I will miss he and his dad's "Did-you-hear..." abouts as they summarize the news highlights of the day, while I cook dinner. I love that volley of words and opinions.

But at the end of the day, I will miss his presence. This is a house that is built on interpersonal dynamics. How could it be any other way? Eight kids, two adults. When one leaves, there is a reshuffling of who fits where, as everyone moves up the family ladder. Suddenly there is a new and different oldest kid. Or someone no longer has to share a room. Those ripples are felt and destabilize us until we settle into a new normal.

Forgive my lapse into button-popping mom. Andrew is a kid with a moral compass pointed due north. He is compassionate. Savvy. Appreciative. A good head on his shoulders. All good stuff to have in your "suitcase".

But the porch light will always be on.....